After a long hiatus, I’m back on the internet to wreak havoc. Today’s topic is somewhat debatable for experts, but also something that I will be addressing solely based on my experiences and knowledge. Feel safe and free to share your thoughts on the theme and personal perspectives- this is a ‘Learning and Sharing’ zone for all.

The Beginning

The word: Leadership.

I never resonated with it, until one day, in grade 2, my school seniors walked around the halls with badges spelling the phrase “Head Girl/Boy” or “Vice President of ….”, from then on, I’d look at them starry-eyed in their sharp uniforms, polished black shoes, neat faces and eloquent pronunciations of incomprehensible words. As a young girl in primary school, I would sell my soul to be one of those Year 13 seniors with such high maintenance and maturity. This obsession with adulthood and independence followed through till middle school. 

Something that many people who know me as of now is that I used to be an introverted kid- cliché, I know. However, I’m not here to discuss the evolution of Aku from an introverted to this insanely carefree extrovert (I’m still not an extrovert, I don’t know how I get this -_-)  

Instead, I’m sinking down to the roots of my childhood and reminiscing memories of how I have become the person I am today. Many may call me the leader of that Dubai K-pop dance team: DXBFELICITY. In contrast, some of you may know me as the girl who used to post every other week on YouTube as if she had millions of subscribers. At the same time, the rest of you may have seen me grow out my Barbie glasses to a teen with funky-looking bleached hair talking about entrepreneurship.

One of my fondest memories as a Year 3 student on the school bus was interacting with a senior in Year 13—Blonde, jaw-droppingly gorgeous, tall, blue-eyed, poised but surprisingly; quiet. ‘Vickie’ was the name she introduced herself with, and to this day, I have been searching left and right across the internet to reconnect with her. My ears couldn’t believe what they were hearing when she revealed to me that she was the head girl of the school. Vickie never flaunted her authoritative power as leaders often do, and I never happened to associate leadership with someone so mysteriously introverted. 

At times, I used to crawl my way up to the senior section of the bus. As I tried sneaking enlightening conversations in my broken English with her, I always felt like I was talking to a celebrity. I took great honour in talking to someone as elder and intelligent. However, I learnt a lot even in the silence, just within her presence. There would be days when she came back exhausted, I couldn’t comprehend what was draining her, but she would kindly let me sit next to her when my “friends” would blatantly ignore me. Sometimes, when the bullying would spiral out of control, she somehow always knew when it hurt most and instantly defended me. The simple acts of empathy stuck out as pieces of evidence of a true leader. At this time, I realized that leaders need not always have to be leading a pack; they can be vast figures of inspiration to lost kids like me.

The Rising Action

Throughout the years of my leadership positions at school, I vividly recall being called into a room filled with candidates amongst which Presidents and Vice Presidents would set to be announced soon. The air soon filled with feather-like chitter chatters, murmuring, and giggling. The secondary head faced us with a paper of the newly appointed committee, and my face beamed with joy after being chosen as the Head of Vice Presidents for the year group. However, moments later, the room soon fell divided after a ‘this or that question was challenged to us.

Although I do not recall the exact details of the scene, I can still feel the immediate shuffling of my feet to the corner of a room where I stood alone as the flock of candidates shifted to where the majority leaned. At that moment, all I could think of was my mother. 

You’re going to see this “Growing up” frequently in my blog posts, so here it goes- 

Growing up, my mother would look me right in the eyes and say, “Never follow the crowd.” Not knowing what exactly it meant, this was the exact moment I envisioned her eyes glaring at me. It was not about setting myself apart; either way, my opinion was locked on from the get-go. Instead, it’s fighting the feeling of being judged and questioning why I was the 1% in the room who disagreed if the rest, 99%, did. We have probably heard this phrase once in our life “Be Unique.” 

Bulls**t.

People fail to explain the courage it takes to stick to your guns and stand still when the others are running in the other direction. Moments like these gave me the courage to keep at what I do best as a leader.

The Climax

Now, fast forward to the current Aku, after several episodes of leadership up till this moment. Nothing compares to the amount of blood, sweat and tears I have dedicated to my dance crew. Surprisingly, something so small grew into a big part of my identity. There are many things I’m grateful for through this journey, but most of all, my members. Every family member has dreams, ambitions, needs, wants, and emotions. Similarly, I have always viewed my team as my family-

It’s true; they all call me mom/ mommy/ mommy papaya or Aku.

And in every family, by default, there is a head. DXBFELICITY came by as an unknown opportunity to me when the local K-pop dance competition festival was announced. I represented and led the team through my enthusiasm, excitement and passion. Since then, all I could think about was the present and future of the group. Every other night I would dream details of the goals and work in solitude, brainstorming and challenging myself to always try and level up the team.

Remember when I said each family members have their own goals within the family? This is one of the most important lessons I learned. Through DXBFELICITY, I met different kinds of members; ones who would often bring energy and brightness to the room, those who would lead practice sessions, and those who showed us what hard-worked looked like. 

Some wholeheartedly disagreed with me at times, yet I’m so glad to have made countless special memories with them. Whilst some shared their unfiltered concerns with me like a sister; there were those whose parents would treat me like their own daughter, those who shared their newly learnt-baked treats with everyone, and many more. 

Each member needed a different kind of leader not to lead them but rather to support their dream journeys. I tried my best to be by their side when possible. The best part of these leadership experiences is getting to experiment with all sorts of approaches as a leader; this helped me understand my situations, connections and challenges better in life.

Self-awareness and control are some of the things that repeatedly are practised in leadership roles. Sometimes, I would think my brain was over-scrutinizing every inch of me. However, I found it challenging to come to terms with myself just because the slightest things would bother me. Somedays, I was dissatisfied with how I dressed during meetings or annoyed with the accent I would speak in while instructing or the reactions I would express during conversations. At a point, I felt I had to watch every step of mine in hopes of maximizing perfection. Which is what I thought leaders needed to be at all costs. Doing something slightly off from my expectations for myself would leave me in bed every night, sleepless. Over time, I realized how much it had affected my self-esteem. While leading the team, I fought against my battles as an individual quietly. When dealing with the team, you often need to set your requirements aside to meet others’ needs.

In most cases, people will say that if you aren’t experienced or mentally stable enough, you may not be the best fit for a leader. After much thought, I asked myself, if not now, then when? If age defines one’s capabilities as a leader. Then when are we going to practice prime leadership? It all begins with a small ignition. To lead is an action, but to be a leader takes more than action. Like the many superheroes in those theatrical movies always say: “With great honour, comes great responsibility.”, which is inclusive of everything. It is well known that nobody will clean up after your mistakes, and that’s okay. Knowing how to commit wrongs will teach you what is right, or at least the closest thing to “right.” 

Despite all these sayings, I certainly wasn’t your ordinary leader. I had ugly days. I had great days—all this boils down to a moment of realization. As a leader, I don’t have to please everyone. Strange thing to say, but let me explain. Indeed, we must be well-behaved, functioning humans with decent courtesies and respectful manners.

However, when is it too much? Or when are we allowed to drop it all? Across my experiences, I’ve come to understand that even leaders must create boundaries to keep themselves in check. Enslaving to duties as a leader must be fulfilled at any cost, but it takes two to tango. When there is an imbalance in some part of your leadership, do not be afraid to quit it. Opportunities, people, money, deals, ideas and more. They all come and go. No pain is ever too permanent, and happiness is temporary. My grandmother used to yell at my mom as a child for giggling and smiling too much; she used a well-known proverb: “You will be crying twice as hard as you are laughing right now.” To some of you, this may seem as if my grandmother was cursing the hell out of my mom, but in the old days, it was believed that life was a ‘Karmic’ land for humans. The balance of our Yin & Yang, the energies, plays a far more vital role on earth than any of us can fathom.

Nonetheless, never be negative; you can only decide what is best for you after trial and error. At least, I believe I’m a person who prefers dealing with problems by looking for solutions rather than criticizing their difficulty and ideological position. This mentality has allowed many of my passions into projects I religiously work towards, whether meeting with top-level managers of Dubai’s biggest entities or organizing foundation auditions for the team in small studios. These were the many fruits of all the blood, sweat and tears which I invested in, by choice.

What’s next?

Moving on, I’m looking forward to adulting, which means trying to be a leader in my life. Transitioning from high school to university seems like a lot, but I hope to learn more about myself as ‘MY’ leader. What I like, what I don’t, what I can do, or try to do at least. It’s exciting yet utterly understandable that the uncertainty is incredibly intimidating. As of now, I’m trying to accept the realities of life with open arms. There’s so much more to experience, especially- adulthood- which I would like to explore thoroughly and consistently- share my thoughts and feelings with everyone through this platform! Thus, I hope you stay tuned with my works and expect more juicy content each time 🙂 

This marks the end of my post-.

So, tell me, have you had any leadership experiences? What personal life principles do you hold that makeup for who you are? It’s your turn to share your story. 

Until next time!

Akshita Aku